I am a FIRM believer in finding true love!!
Finding the love that makes your heart explode, your dreams expand and your life seems like a vision of perfection. We all deserve it, we all want it, but often we get stuck in comfortable relationships, ones where things work, everything is fine, and just good enough….
We’ve all had them.
He looks good on paper, or maybe he doesn’t, maybe he’s the bad boy that you think you can change. Or maybe he’s the good one who ticks those financial checkboxes.
Maybe he has a good job, or the best one you’ve met in awhile and he thinks you’re incredible, is crazy about you and wants to spend the rest of his life providing for you.
In the beginning everything is great.
You fall in love, he courts you, the intimacy is mind blowing, and he tells you all the things you’ve always wanted to hear.
You do have a couple things in common, you have fun together. So, you pack your life up and move in.
A year goes by. You get cozy. You settle into life together.
He shares his loves with you and you share yours with him. He wants to build a house with you, have a baby, and you think ok, maybe I can do this, maybe just maybe this is the “one”.
Let’s say you’re a spiritually committed person where growth, knowledge and expansion are your greatest passions.
You want to live your life adventuring, learning, and engaging in new ways of ‘being’ that are not known to you yet.
You have a thirst for extracting the wisdom out of life, exploring and pushing yourself out of the comport zones more and more every year.
You don’t want an ordinary life, you want greatness.
You want to conquer the status quo and all the while living this way with a partner that aligns with you.
Let’s say this great guy says he wants all the things you do, but does he? Cause slowly you see the signs that whisper, “All’s not right in paradise!” He works a 9 to 5 and is accustomed to the same people, places, things, times and events.
He settles for an ordinary life that produces a great income and gives him all his toys – his fill of worldly possessions..
But you know he has never asked himself the really deep questions, the ones that make him tick. Questions like “why do I feel the way I feel”, “what are my passions and how can I be a better person”, ya know ones like “who I am”, “why am I here” and “what the ^%@!! Is my purpose”?
He’s never picked up a book to read. And neither does he like to discuss the deeper meaning of our existence, He lacks communication,. And the cardinal sin – he lacks a true desire to learn all about you, truly delve deep into your core and know the spiritual as well as the physical you. . He hasn’t even journeyed within to known himself. And you begin to wonder, “How does one give if they don’t start that love inside themselves first?”
Do you stay? Make up excuses about how you think he will change, like you’ve done so many times before?
Do you make yourself believe you’ll be truly happy? Just wait a few more years, he’ll wake up and explore himself, just keep giving him books that he can’t and won’t read.
It’s so easy to stay. It’s comfortable. Humans like comfort.
It takes strength to challenge your fears of leaving, finding someone new, or just going to explore more of yourself.
Moving out, uprooting your life into the unknown. It’s uncertain, scary and it makes us question everything we have learned.
Finding your true love story, the one who takes your world and wants to explore every part of you inside and out, going to places that stretch the mind to the unimaginable takes courage and the ability to walk away from just good enough…
Good enough makes you complacent, resigned, and leaves you with the constant feeling of missing out and wondering what your life could have been like.
It can ultimately leave you sick and diseased.
Maybe that sounds harsh but we have to be warriors for what we desire and dream. We are the force guiding our life and if our partner won’t move forward with us, we have to keep moving alone. Because ultimately if we don’t – the Catch Up effect comes into play. They are either scythed from your life by circumstance or they stumble and fall really hard and have to mend themselves to be whole again. They either have to “catch up” to where you are. Or go their own way.
Well a month ago I was in Costa Rica with my sister. She was in a relationship with a great guy. He was ‘the guy’ I’m talking about. He was financially stable, kind, generous, and he wanted to build the house and dream with her.
I knew he was not the guy who would stimulate her, or push her towards her ultimate pursuits in life.
I told her how I felt and she defended the relationship and gave me a lot of “good” reasons as to why he was great and how much she loved him.
Ok, I say, I know, He’s great but don’t forget about what you want, what is important to you, and don’t make excuses around why you can’t have that in a partner. You are the creator, you deserve the love you desire, and have always dreamt of.
You “”fucking”” deserve to be matched with someone who will hold out his hand and go wherever you go and have the fire to learn and love everything about you. If you believe it, it will come.
It’s a couple days before we are supposed to go home. It’s my sister’s birthday and she wants to do yoga in the morning. I find a beautiful yoga studio in the jungle and we head out for a morning class. We meet a guy standing at the top of the stairs as we enter the room, He’s from Nashville, Tennessee. He strikes up a conversation with us and we chat for a few minutes, then we start class…
After class we invite him to breakfast. Breakfast then turns into a whole day at the beach, eating shrooms with us, teaching us to surf, then back to his house, then to her birthday dinner.
Towards the end of the day I saw it. The way he was looking at her. He was enthralled and enchanted by her. I’m pretty sure he was thinking who is this incredibly smart, beautiful, and interesting woman that just walked into my life.
The night ended. We said our goodbyes and I didn’t think too much more about. 36 hours later we are sitting at breakfast and she looks up at me from her cup of coffee with these crazy eyes. She says you are not going to believe this. Mr.Nashville just wrote me an email titled 20 reasons why you should stay.
That moment changed her life forever.
We all hung out again before we left. I could tell something was different in her. She was smiling incredibly big around him, laughing, fully expressing her essence unlike I had seen before and I could feel something magical was about to happen.
She went home. They started talking for hours every day – about their desires, goals, and dreams.
The stars were literally aligning and everything they were sharing was in perfect alignment. It was raw, real and all the circumstances were in place for the next big chapter of both their lives.
He professed his love to know her in every possible way, the good, the bad and the ugly. Not to mention his southern hospitality and gentle way of simply stating “I will take care of you and anything you want to pursue. I want to be there beside you.”
Within a week she had felt like her heart was ripped open and this force was moving through her and pulling her like a magnet towards an entirely new life. She broke up with her boyfriend. Within two weeks she moved out, and within three she was back in Costa Rica living with her dream that had unraveled before her eyes. She leaped and she was in Nashville’s arms.
I talk to her every couple of days and I’ve never heard her this ecstatically happy, this in love, this excited about another human being. She says they laugh and play all day, philosophize all night, read poetry and books together, dance in their little love shack overlooking the Pacific ocean, are making business plans together and have the steamiest and most sensual sex she’s ever had.
I can hear it in her voice, she has never been this happy. Granted she is living in paradise, I’ve just never been so excited for her.
She did the scary thing. She broke a heart, quit her job, moved out from a place she loved, said goodbye to friends, and all the things she thought two weeks ago were so important.
She took a leap of faith.
A place where all could go right or wrong. She left what was secure, status quo, and stable. She trusted her instincts, her innate knowingness, took her life by the balls plucked the courage and she did it. She fucking did it.
I tell this story, not only because it’s an incredible story that keeps unfolding more forcefully by the day, but because I think it inspires strength and truly listening “in” to your soul.
Maybe you have someone that you’ve been doing life with that he doesn’t align with that deep relationship you crave, maybe you’ve said it’s good enough…. But you know deep down inside you deserve, crave and want more, you want to become more! Or maybe you have a friend that you’ve been wanting to say something to and share a little juicy story.
Don’t ever stop fighting for what you want. Write it down. Visualize it. Believe in the magic of following your heart. The more you challenge yourself, your comfort zones, and your boundaries the more these serendipitous miracles start showing up.
You deserve better than “good enough”… You deserve Greatness! It starts with you….