I’ve always been on a search for grace.
Grace in who I am, what I am doing, where I am, and especially in what I’m photographing.
Over the last few months of photographing dancers and connecting to the love I have for the beauty of form and movement; I am remembering where I first found this grace that I’m so fascinated with.
I first found grace on a Saturday night, in a warehouse, on the dance floor, in the heart of San Francisco when I was 16.
I don’t think I can count the number of times I’ve spent dancing the night away. Literally dancing the night away. I mean walking outside with sunglasses because the sun is rising, it’s too damn bright and I have been dancing since 11 pm
Oh my… did I love raves? I started going to raves in the 90’s in San Francisco. I was raving in the best time ever to be a raver. At least in SF! A costume, plenty of mitsubishis, and a good alibi… is all we needed to have the best night of our lives.
I’ve never forget the night of my first ecstasy induced rave adventure. We told our parents some lie (sorry mom) but we had too. We couldn’t tell them we were driving to SF, going ot an underground party, taking ecstasy and yes, totally going to have the best time eveeeeeer. Right!
Angie got away with everything, we never needed to say anything her mom, so naturally, we told our parents we were staying there. We got all dressed up, jumped in Lindsay’s sexy new 4Runner and headed off to the city.
It was a 45 min drive in and we took a pill on our way. It was my first big underground party in the city. I had no idea what to expect or what to be scared of. Go big or go home, and no fear was my motto at the time.
As we walked in the door, loud bass shook the walls, a laser light show beamed above me, and music starting pulsating through me. It was a gigantic warehouse, so many people dancing, crazy stupid loud bass, this was fucking nuts and I was elated.
Then like a monster wave slamming into the back of your head from out of nowhere, it hit me. I grabbed onto the wall to keep from falling down. Oh wow, what is this, what is this crazy feeling, holy shit balls… is this real? Am I in heaven, did heaven just hit me smack me in the face with a ton of bricks.
Music became something different for me that night. Music became god to me. I felt god inside of me, I felt me. My heart broke open and I became suspended between two worlds. Something inside me changed. Every cell in my body was vibrating and pulsing. My heart was exploding with joy, and I had a deeper understanding of who I was in this world.
When I am on a dance floor, feeling the music, I feel connected to my higher self. I feel like my soul is rising and grace glowing and expanding inside me. I can’t imagine not knowing that exists inside me!
Chase grace. Live Grace. Show grace. Repeat…
