Today A Boudoir State of Mind is Daily releasing the grip of shame the past has on us and embracing that we all need a little help.
Lovely ladies of the world, play along with me for one second.
Pinch yourself.
Go ahead, it’s ok, just do it.
Whether you actually did or not it’s irrelevant, because at some point in your life you have been pinched, you know that being pinched hurts. It’s not the kind of hurt that leaves a lasting impression, but for that split second it’s painful and you want it to stop.
But let’s take it a step further. Let’s say that you got your hand stuck in a door. Fortunately for you, you didn’t break something, but the discomfort is growing and you would like for it to stop. The problem?
The door is locked and you don’t have the key.
Now, you could potentially logic your way out of this situation. Maybe you carry a lockpick with you or a crowbar or some other extraction device in your handy knapsack. You wise sage you! You don’t need anybody else!
But for the rest of us, you know, normal humans, in this situation it would be perfectly reasonable to take out our cellphones and call for help. “Please building manager can you come unlock this door before my thumb falls off, please and thank you.” And they would come right over and fix the problem, and we would be extremely embarrassed for a little while, but our thumb would be free and the pain would be over and we could go buy a pint of ice cream to handle our trauma.
Now here’s what gets me.
Why do we as women see it as perfectly normal to ask for help when we are in physical pain (well most of us, but this is a post for another day), but feel incredibly ashamed to ask for help in times when we’re in emotional duress?
Marisa, this is because we are independent!
We don’t need shoulders to cry on! We can pull ourselves up and plaster on a smile and be perfectly fine!
Sure you can, but is that really good for you? Isn’t that becoming difficult?
Odds are, the reason why many of us choose to go our journey’s alone, and fight our own battles alone, is because we have been deeply hurt by someone at a time when we were vulnerable. This vulnerability we decided was a bad thing, it left us too exposed. Slowly we built up walls and put on armor to keep people from reaching that soft core of us again. To let people in would be too risky.
This truth is a terrible burden for you to bear on your own. And of course, you can continue in this way, slowly turning to stone and blocking out the beauty that you may experience along with the pain you might experience.
But that is a choice. You don’t have to live your life this way.
It’s ok to ask for help, to seek the wisdom of a stranger who may yet become a friend, a life coach, therapist ( I have the greatest one if you need one), but it’s important to have someone that you don’t always have to be perfect around. Someone you feel safe with to unload some of the burden that you’ve been carrying for most of your life. Because you don’t need to carry that weight anymore, you deserve to be free and sometimes just letting it out can release the grasp and power it has over you. It’s the beginning to healing.
The only person stopping you is you.
The thing is, it will be difficult at first, but in time it will get easier, and you’ll find, like the relief after you no longer have your thumb stuck in the door, the pain will lessen with time.
It might even heal completely.
